Ever-expanding menus now offering free waist-band extender with purchase of Frappemochacinno

You know what I’m sick of? Seeing things like this: Subway Tests Upscale Cafe w/ Expanded Menu

 Okay, you don't have to read it. I'll summarize it. Subway is trying to launch an ‘upscale’ café version of its stores on a case by case basis (thank god). I can’t think of anything more demoralizing that the minimum wage paid pimpled processed meat stacking sandwich maker serving me a subway chocolate chunk muffin and asking me if I’d like another shot in my mochafrapachinolatte while I wait for my bistro sandwich under their chic new lighting. Really? Next thing you know McDonalds is going to be making a huge push into gourmet coffee and Starbucks is going to start peddling more hearty food items… That’s already happened? Great. Just great. I mean the absolute last thing I want to do in my day is go and enjoy a nice afternoon macchiato at a McDonalds. They don’t have that? Oh. But they do have a 560-calorie (medium size) McCafe Frappe Mocha. I guess if I consumed one of those with my double quarter pounder extra value meal I’d satisfy my carving to know what most fat, unhealthy Americans feel like when they’re all doped up on sodium, fat, and sugar.  You know I’d rather just fry an egg in bacon grease and pile Gruyere cheese onto a fried piece of artisan bread, right?

I’m a food snob and I refuse to apologize for it.  But this is ever-expanding menus thing is a pet peeve of mine that isn’t going away. It’s why I won’t be caught dead in a Chili’s or one of those big chain eateries that try and please everyone by offering 80000 different entrees. So, I won’t step foot into a Subway Bistro or whatever the hell they’re calling it because it’s still a Subway with the big Sysco truck dropping off bags full of overly processed meat except now they have chic lighting and make cappuccinos.  People are too lazy to get their coffee from a coffee shop and sandwich from a sandwich shop. The lowest common denominator wins again. Now, screw you guys, I’m going to Wal-Mart so I can buy my groceries, my toiletries, rent a movie, buy a 6 –pack, eat a big mac, get a hair cut, deposit my mileage check, get my oil changed, and drink my McCafe Frappe Mocha in peace.